This is a good month to remember to put peace first in our family situations. This is a very emotional time for many of us; card-sending and gift-giving, decorating, parties, family get-togethers and visits from friends— all the hodge-podge of sensations that make up the holiday season can cause unexpected stresses and pressures in our closest relationships. While we want to do everything and share all the good times of this season with our families, it is also important, as Kahlil Gibran says, to "let there be spaces in your togetherness." We need to remember to give our loved ones breathing room, especially at this time of year. Everyone has more to do than he seems to have time for. We can relax our mental and emotional hold on our family members, giving them space to unfold without pressure from us. We can set everyone free from the pressure of our conscious or unconscious, spoken or unspoken, demands or expectations And for us and for them, the holidays will truly be holy-days, filled with joy and love. 

I was recently listening to someone describing her purpose in her job and in her life. She said, "I am here to be of help to people in this world. I put all of my skills and talents into being of service to people to help them get the best they can get from what I do. I am more interested in the solution to their problem than in getting anything from them. When their problem is solved, I feel a great joy that I was able to participate in the solution. I know what I was put on this earth to do, and I do it with skill, love, intelligence, clarity and wisdom, and I am at peace." This woman, whose job is to help prospective buyers obtain housing loans, might be speaking for any one of us— let's decide to know what we are here for and get busy doing it with love and joy and peace. 

When we think of the creative process, it's interesting to think of the courage it takes for us to find the way to really express our own unique vision of reality, to somehow capture the fleeting moment through an image or through some means of expression that is original and unique to us. As Rollo May says of the great artist Giacometti, "He was so dedicated to capturing on canvas his momentary perception of reality that fame and fortune mattered to him not at all. It took all of his energy, courage and strength to convey his vision." You might say that each of us is a creative artist in this life. Each of us is trying to create a work of art— of beauty, harmony, and integrity— out of the fabric of our life itself. Our canvas is the sixty or seventy or eighty years we have to live. Our paintbrush is our highest aspirations and ideals, our personal integrity and, most of all, the gift of individuality that each of us has received from this life. No two views of the universe are exactly the same. Let's have the courage to find and express our unique, creative gift to our world. 

I recently spent a weekend in a beautiful house in the Taos Ski Valley. The house was on a ridge overlooking the mountains and the ski valley. On the first day of my stay, I was sitting outside in the patio, admiring the landscape, when two big dogs came running hesitantly, shyly up to me. When I greeted them, they dropped all hesitation and shyness, and we were as long-lost friends. For the three days of my stay, they would come running over to me wherever I was outside. They were always bubbling over with gentleness and affection. There was no end to their kissing and licking, no end to their friendly love. Like these two open, gentle, friendly creatures, we, too, can let ourselves give and receive the gifts of affection and friendship. Our world needs all the love we can give it. And we can each benefit from all the gentle affection our world offers us. 

We want to think that somehow our way in life will eventually become plain to see and easy to follow. But most of us tend to follow a very zig-zaggy way indeed. It sometimes seems to us that, as the old saying goes, for every step forward, we take two steps backwards. But finding our way in this life is not the same as winning a game or even achieving some great or significant goal— as noteworthy as these purposes may be. Finding our way is coming into our own in this life— whatever that may mean for us. It's discovering our own uniqueness, our originality, the song that we are here to sing, and the song that only we can sing and only in the way in which we can sing it. Whatever it takes to bring us home to ourselves in this life is our way. And we find that way by going in whatever direction our heart is prompting us to now. 

Andre Gide once said, "All you are unable to give possesses you." Giving is living; for to withhold is to die. When we hold ourselves back from giving to our life out of fear or an over-cautious attitude, we find that the universe withholds from us. We have a reciprocal relationship with this life. In order to receive we must be willing to give; without giving, there is no receiving. The giving of ourselves opens up the places in our hearts through which we can receive, a greater good. Let's be willing to give ourselves to this life now, not in small, tired, stingy ways, but with openness and largeness of being. As we expand our capacity to give, so too do we receive the greater gifts this universe offers. 

Mozart was once asked for some advice on writing symphonies by an aspiring young composer. Mozart said, "You are still very young. Why not begin with ballads?" The young man objected, "But you composed symphonies when you were only ten years old." "True," Mozart responded. "But I didn't ask how." Sometimes we are being too grandiose. In reaching for the sky, we may trip over our feet on the earth. Clarity, energy and momentum come when we quit trying to overreach ourselves. Emerson said that each of us has something completely unique and original to give to this life; the path of wisdom is to discover our unique gift and then to get busy giving it to our world. We don't have to waste our time envying or imitating the great innovators of mankind. When we find our own unique expression, then we are too busy refining our creative abilities to bother about what someone else has done or is doing. We become part of the Creative Process of this life, and we fulfill our destiny with joy and love. 

This year, why not, with all our giving, give the gift of ourselves to the people in our lives. Let's release them from all our labels and judgments, free them to be who they really are, not just who we want them to be. Let's give the gift of ourselves to them by really being there with them, listening to them, encouraging them, appreciating them and sharing our life with them. This can be a very joyous and uplifting holiday season as we give ourselves with a spirit of peace and goodwill to all whom we meet these next few weeks. We lose nothing by giving the gift of ourselves because the more of ourselves we give, the more we have to give. There is no end to this giving and in this giving, much more, there is no end to our receiving. 

Avoid the Christmas rush— get peace and good will toward all— now. As the holidays come upon us, we experience a kind of joyous anticipation. Even though the weather gets colder, our hearts warm up when we see colored lights and ornaments ushering in the Christmas or Hanukkah season. We begin to think of the gifts and cards we want to give to the special people in our lives, and we decide on a general benevolence toward all. Yet why wait until the middle of December to feel the Christmas spirit? We can decide in our hearts right now to feel peace and joy and wonder at the incredible gift of our life. Don't wait to be swept up into the holiday spirit of excited, happy feelings— let our Christmas joy begin right now— beat the rush. It's always Christmas in our hearts anyway; why not celebrate now? 

We ask ourselves: what do the people in our lives really need from us? We say that we are so busy that we really don't have a lot of time to give to everyone. But what is it that people most need from us? Perhaps it comes down to a look, a touch and a voice of encouragement and reassurance. Sometimes when we are feeling uncertain, anxious or insecure, we call a friend on the phone just to hear his or her voice saying, "It's OK— you're all right." Or sometimes just a look or a handshake or a hug from someone melts all sense of discord. Likewise, for us, when we wonder what to do for the people in our life, consider a look, a touch and an affirming voice. Don't discount the healing aspect of our positive interaction with others. When we are at peace, people in our lives also feel at peace through their contact with us. Remember, when we think: "What can I give so-and-so?" Give them your peace: a look, a touch and a voice of calm reassurance. 

My cat has a friend, a big grey cat who visits him frequently in our backyard. The grey friend sometimes doesn't come around for a few days and we worry—did something happen to him? But then, after awhile, he always turns up again. What is interesting is that when my cat is away from home at the boarding kennel, the grey friend cat always shows up every day, several times a day, looking for his friend. He even comes inside the house and searches all the rooms for him, and he even opens the drawers in our cupboard to make sure he's not in there somewhere. The grey cat keeps coming around until our cat returns home; then they do a little cat dance of acknowledgment together, and the grey cat goes off again, satisfied that his friend is back and that all is in order again. Their friendship is not based on words or gestures but on action, and it is a beautiful and touching thing to see. May we have friends like the grey friend in our life, too. 

Someone once defined a friend as someone to whom you could say anything that comes into your mind. You can tell this person your most intimate dreams, aspirations and doubts. A friend is someone you can talk to about anything, without fear of judgment or censure. It is a great blessing to have someone in our life who is this kind of friend, who really does share our life with us. Sometimes there is a friend like this close at hand; other times it is someone who lives far away. Either way, it's good to remember to recognize and give thanks for the gift of people who come into our lives who can listen and respond to us as we are, without needing to try to change us— people who love and accept us and who are the friends of our hearts. 

A Zen Master once attended a Beethoven concert. When asked for his opinion, the Zen Master commented, "Not enough silence!" We hear music because of the silence or pauses between the notes; without silence there would be no music. Likewise, in our life, pauses for silence can give meaning and clarity to our activities. If we are always on the go and never take time to pause, turn within and silently listen to our innermost self, we may feel that our life is too frantic and overwhelming. When we relax, slow down and take time out of our busyness to just let go and be still, even if it's just for a little while, we feel a calmness and centeredness that helps us sustain ourselves in the midst of all our activities. So, in our own symphonic unfoldment, our own life process, let's allow the pauses for silence that can give harmony and order to all that we are and all that we do each day. 

A prominent art collector once brought a painting to Picasso and asked if it was a genuine Picasso. After one swift glance, Picasso replied, "It's a fake." Sometime later, the same collector brought another painting to Picasso and asked if it were genuine. Picasso replied, "It's a fake." "But sir," protested the collector, "I happened to have watched you paint this picture, personally." "It's true," Picasso replied, "I paint many fakes." Indeed Picasso is said to have created over twenty thousand art works throughout his life, many of which were mediocre, but many others of which were masterpieces unlike anything done before or since. We have a tendency to feel that whatever we do should be letter-perfect, or we shouldn't even bother to try. Yet creativity is expressed through trial and error just like anything else. Let's try our best at what we do until, like Picasso, we realize the genuine in the midst of everything. 

We sometimes are too apologetic about who we are and why we are here. There's an East Indian story about a prince who is discovered living in a very humble village. As a small child he had wandered away from the court and had been found by villagers who raised him as one of their own. The point of the story is that even in humble circumstances, the prince was still a prince. Each of us, no matter what our circumstances in this life, is still an important and precious child of this universe. We belong here. We deserve and are entitled to the best this life has to offer. Let's not be too shy or timid in claiming our good— let's step in and claim it quickly, because we belong here. 

The legendary Sufi, Nasrudin, was reminiscing with a friend in a tea room. "Why did you never marry?" the friend asked Nasrudin. "It's very sad," Nasrudin sighed, as he took a sip of tea. "You see, I spent my youth looking for the perfect woman. Yet each woman I encountered seemed to have a flaw. One was charming and intelligent, but she lacked beauty. Another was beautiful and well-mannered, but she lacked intelligence. Another was intelligent and beautiful, but she lacked social graces. And then, finally, one day, my search seemed to be over. I met a woman who was charming, beautiful and intelligent— finally, the perfect woman!" "And what happened?" Nasrudin's friend asked. "It's very sad," sighed Nasrudin. "It seemed that she was looking for the perfect man, and so we parted." If we are too intent on finding perfection in this life, we may well miss all the good that is here for us. 

William Blake said, "Gratitude is heaven." When we are grateful, we receive the blessings of this life. We tend to think that first we have to get something, and then we can feel gratitude. It's perhaps an unusual idea to put gratitude first. But when we are really thankful, we appreciate everything, and out of that appreciation comes our fulfillment. Martin Buber tells the story of a man who was admitted to Paradise. But since he had felt no delight on earth, he feels none in heaven either. Finally, he grumbles, "And they make all that to-do about paradise!" And hardly have the words left his lips when he is thrown out. Gratitude is the way to find the delight of this life. Picasso said, "Everything is a miracle." When we give thanks from our hearts, indeed everything is a miracle; everything and everyone blesses us, and we see and feel the beauty of this life. When we see through the eyes of thankfulness, the world is filled with blessings. 

A businessman who was near death asked that his remains be cremated and the ashes sent to the IRS with the following note attached: "Now you have it all." Is there ever a time in our life when we feel we have it all? We go through school thinking, ah, when I graduate, then I'll start really living. We graduate and find ourselves needing to find a job. When we find a job, we have so many responsibilities that we begin to say, ah, when I retire, then, then I'll really start to live. Or we say, when I have the right relationship or when I make enough money or when I get spiritually enlightened, then, then, then I'll start to really live. When is enough, enough? Each of us can decide right now, today, that we have all we need to be happy and fulfilled. We really don't have to wait around for some ultimate realization or event to happen before we can begin to feel great joy and peace in just the sheer fact of being alive right now. Let's decide to claim our allness right now, and let's be thankful. 

There is a time of processing and enfoldment, and there is also a time of completion. When I was in graduate school, I almost made a career out of being a graduate student— for awhile, I forgot that the point of graduate school is to graduate. We can get stuck in procrastination and spend long periods of time postponing coming into our own until we remember that we are not just here to travel but to arrive at our destination. While it is good to initiate processes and to begin new things, it is also good to complete what we have started. Sometimes we feel a sense of exhaustion and inner depletion because we have unfinished business to attend to. When we arrive at completion, there is a profound sense of release and relief, and all is right with us and our world. 

Let's stop looking for what isn't there; let's begin with what we have and more will be given. Jean-Paul Sartre, in Being and Nothingness, describes the condition of a man who is rushing through a crowded restaurant looking for someone who isn't there. Sartre says that, for this man, the restaurant is full of nothingness. We have all had the experience at an airport of watching passengers arrive who aren't the one passenger we are waiting for. Sometimes in our life, we are so preoccupied with looking for who or what isn't there or what hasn't yet happened, that we miss all that is happening, all that is there for us. Let's remember to connect with what is here for us right now.