There's a Spanish proverb, "If I die, I forgive you. If I live, we shall see." Indeed, much of our forgiving tends to be conditional. Before we really forgive completely, we want to see how things will turn out. We'll forgive as long as they don't commit any further wrongs against us. We'll forgive if we win. We'll forgive if they lose. In other words, we are willing to forgive as long as we know the outcome and feel as if we have some control over the process. Yet the way of healing and transformation is through unconditional forgiveness, when we no longer need to know how it's all going to work out in order to forgive. We just forgive— that's all— regardless of what happened or will happen. Regardless of who's to blame. Hannah Arendt says that there is always an unexpected and foreseen good which comes from this kind of forgiveness. Because our forgiveness is unpremeditated and noncalculating, the results are always far beyond anything we can imagine and better. 

Forgiveness is really a process of healing and spiritual renewal. When our life does not seem to be working, when we feel stuck or out of sync with our world, when we aren't flourishing on some level or other— be it love relationships, family, finances, job, health or spiritual unfoldment— chances are: there is someone or something we need to forgive. People say, "Well, I've forgiven, but I just can't forget"— but that isn't real forgiveness. Or someone will say, "I have forgiven so-and-so; I just don't want to see him ever again." Again, that isn't forgiveness. We can disguise our lack of forgiveness in all sorts of subtle ways. We say to ourselves of those who hurt us: "I don't actually hate them anymore, I just don't wish them well." Whenever we feel a lack of positive good will or love towards someone who at some point wronged us, then we still need to have a forgiveness breakthrough with that person. We may ask, "How can I forgive?" The first step is acknowledging that we are still feeling the hurt or pain or anger. The second step comes with our willingness to forgive, when we begin to see the real need for forgiveness. Finally there is the forgiveness itself on a feeling or heart level. Then comes blessing, thanksgiving and finally release. We release ourselves and the other person to the Highest Good for all concerned. When we really forgive, we experience a profound healing and a new depth of personal harmony and joy in our lives. Sometimes, the only thing left to do in a situation in our life that won't get better, is to forgive it— and suddenly it's finished, and we are set free. 

A burglar, needing money, decided to rob a safe in a store. On the safe door, he was very pleased to find the following note: "Please don't use dynamite. This safe is not locked. Just turn the knob." The burglar did so. Instantly a heavy sandbag fell on his head: the entire premises were floodlighted, and alarm bells started clanging. As the police were carrying him out on a stretcher, he was heard to complain: "My confidence in human nature has been severely shaken." We all go through a time of questioning the goodness of humanity and of life on this earth. We may feel betrayed or disappointed or let down by life. It didn't work out the way we thought it would. Yet the real deepening of our inner life occurs precisely at the same time that our outer values are called into question. If we don't opt for a skeptical or pessimistic conclusion but stay open, we come to realize a deeper meaning and purpose to this existence which has its own affirmation of the goodness of life on this earth. 

Sometimes when we feel very stuck inside of ourselves, we are really on the brink of a great spiritual breakthrough. Just as billions ofspring roots lie just underneath the crust of the earth, waiting to shoot into the light of day, so too our inner spiritual realization lies just below our conscious awareness, awaiting its moment of awakening. Even though the ground outside may still look barren, gray and bleak, spring will have its day, and everything will burst into green and pink and yellow loveliness. So too, whenever we are feeling especially bleak or barren or gray inside of ourselves, a day will arrive when our inner life will burst into joy, and all our days of being stuck will melt from our hearts, and only peace and freedom will remain. As our fingernails grow, so too does the hidden dynamic of our inner breakthrough unfold. We are not consciously aware of our fingernails growing this instant, and we may also not be aware that, deep inside of each of us, our spiritual awakening is coming into light. 

Have you ever felt really disappointed? When we were children perhaps we received a gift at Christmas or our birthday, and we were expecting something really exciting that turned out to be socks or handkerchiefs and were so disappointed. Or perhaps as children or adolescents, a close friend disappointed us— the person we trusted let us down and we realized that he or she wasn't such a good friend after all. As we grow older, maybe we have felt disappointment in career or vocational expectations. When we've been disappointed as children or even as adults, it's sometimes easy to become somewhat disillusioned. We say, I won't let myself be disappointed again; I just won't hope or be open any more— they won't get to me. But this subtle attitude of rejection keeps us from being open when something even greater than anything we could have imagined or expected comes our way. Drop it and stay open regardless of the past. 

U.G. Krishnamurti once said to me, "My words strip away the false so that you can be free to be related to all things." It's interesting that I remembered the part about stripping away of the false, but I almost forgot the part about 'so that you can be free to be related to everything.' We can be so caught up in trying to free ourselves from things that aren't working or that are a distraction that we forget to connect with the Greater Life that is forever around us and within us. I had a friend who would always keep his eyes on the ground so that he wouldn't get distracted from his inner meditations by looking at people or things in the world. Yet people and things are also part of Reality— how can we find the Real by avoiding anything or anyone who is part of the givenness of this life? Albert Camus said that we should affirm the true with our whole being. So when we do our soul-searching or forgiveness and release, let's also be sure to remember to affirm all the good of this life too. 

There's an old saying that March rushes in like a lion and leaves like a lamb. This is a month of transition which ushers in a profound change in nature and in ourselves: the cold winter days and nights give way to the soothing warmth of spring. The stark, barren trees and colorless grass melt into pale, green beauty throughout this month of transformation. When there is a change in the seasons, we sometimes feel unsettled— we have become so used to winter, the way everything feels and looks, that when the outer change begins to happen, we, too, go through a time of inner release and transition. This is a joyous time because we actually see the creative process of new life coming into being throughout this month. Each day we see trees coming into blossom, grass turning green, flowers blooming in loveliness. As the 13th century Chinese Zen Master Wu-men said, "Ten thousand flowers in spring, the moon in autumn, a cool breeze in summer, snow in winter. If your mind isn't clouded by unnecessary things, this is the best season of your life." 

Where is our heart leading us right now? And are we following? Are we listening to our heart as we walk our path in this world? Sometimes we are being so analytic and critical that we miss the heart's simple directness that cuts through to the very core of things. When our life seems to be a confused and tangled web of conflicting thoughts, we may just need to settle down inside of ourselves and listen to the heart's simplicity. Many times our real breakthroughs in life come when we simply slow down, become quiet and listen and let our heart's desire reveal itself to us. We've never fallen in love by listening to the intellect. But an open heart brings love and joy and fulfillment into our lives easily and quickly. Follow your heart and joy will be yours. 

Let's take a moment to recognize the healing and transforming power of laughter in our hearts. A light heart heals us from fear and worry. G.K. Chesterton said, "Angels fly because they take themselves lightly." Laughter dissolves the hard places inside of us, and laughter dissolves the hard situations in the outer world. We know we are really progressing spiritually when we can laugh at and with ourselves. Roshi Sasaki says, "One genuine belly laugh is worth many hours of Zen meditation." Right now let's recognize the laughter in our hearts that frees us, heals us and makes us whole. 

Kenneth Patchen once said, "Oh, lonesome's a bad place / to get crowded into." Sometimes we feel all alone in this life. Yet this may just be part of the life cycle. There are times when we are in close relationship, and there are other times when we experience solitude. Sometimes our solitude is a time of inner healing, cleansing and release, a preparation for new relationship. And our new relationship may be the fulfillment inherent in our solitude. We can experience joy and peace in both our relationship and our solitude as long as we don't demand relationship in our solitude or solitude in our relationship. When we are alone, we can relax and enjoy our aloneness without feeling lonely or depressed. This self-sufficiency allows us to relax and be in relationship with others without being dependent or needy on them for our happiness or well-being. We say that it's good to have close relationships, but it's equally good to make a friend of ourselves when we are alone. 

Ram Dass once said, "Disillusion is the last illusion." When things in our life seem not to be working out as we had hoped or expected, we may be tempted to give up on our dreams, to settle for a cynical outlook. We hear people saying, "Expect the worst and you won't be disappointed." And we ask ourselves, "Is this the attitude we want to carry through life?" When things don't go our way, it's easy to let our disappointment make us feel disillusioned. But if we allow ourselves to adopt a fixed, negative perspective, then we have closed the door to a sudden break-through of insight or revelation that opens up a whole new realm of possibilities for us. When we become tempted to settle for the negative answer, we can remember Ram Dass: "Disillusion is the last illusion," and drop our discouragement and open our heart for a new beginning to discover itself within us. 

The way of the heart is the way of love. Love brings us by a way we know not to where we need to be in this life. Love guides our feet to find our path of bliss. Love guides our minds to illumination. Love guides our souls to God. With those we love, there, we find God's Presence, God's Goodness and God's Grace. A woman once came to the great Indian Yogi, Ramakrishna, and said, "I cannot love God." Ramakrishna remained silent for a moment. Then he asked, "Is there anyone in this life you do love?" "I love my little nephew," the woman replied. "There is God." Love lights our way through this life. Love releases us from the pain of our longing. As we open our hearts to Love, the Universe suddenly fills us with a joy we never felt before, and we see a beauty we never saw before. Everyone and everything take on a new radiance as we see them through the eyes of Love. And as we listen with Love's ears, we hear the music of stars. Love transforms our earth into wonder. Love heals our past and brings joy to our future. There is no path to Love; Love itself is the path. 

In Tibetan Buddhism, as well as our own Native American traditions and other traditions, there is the concept of the spiritual warrior. A spiritual warrior is someone who lives from spiritual principles and whose strength and courage manifest peace and compassion in each situation of life. We can be spiritual warriors when we don the armor of gentleness and kindness toward all of our fellow beings. The spiritual warrior expresses fearlessness because when we feel one with everything, there is only peace, harmony and order. As Bob Dylan put it, this warrior's "strength is not to fight." We realize that the apparent outer obstacles in our life derive from inner forces of self-doubt, fear and distrust which we need to overcome through our own soul-searching and inner meditation. As spiritual warriors, we don't do battle with the world as such. Ours is the way of inner clarity and realization, enlightenment and illumination which leads to freedom from outer constraints and opposition. When the spiritual warrior enters a room, the room is suddenly filled with light. 

It is easy to be so caught up in our mental processes that we forget the way of the heart. It is through our heart that we make our deepest connection to all that matters in this life. The intellect is a great tool, but it is through the heart that we discover the love and joy of this life. Through the heart we open a door into a world we never knew. Are we following the dance of our heart, or are we too busy analyzing and trying to figure everything out? The heart releases us from the need to know how it's all going and how we are doing; when we dance and put ourselves into the dance with all our heart— we no longer need to know how we are dancing. Let go to your heart dance now— all that you need will follow. 

Lao Tzu once wrote, "Bend and you need not break." Too often in life we seem to think that the only way to get anywhere is through force, struggle or manipulation. Life often seems to resemble the struggle to get on a cable car at Powell and Market Streets in San Francisco: everyone shoves and elbows his or her way on, as if that's the only way to make it. Yet the way of wisdom is oftentimes the way of yielding; trees which are supple and yielding bend to the wind so that they do not break. Running water (in rivers and streams) yields to obstacles in its path, surrounds them and engulfs them. It is said that to win in the Japanese game of Go, one must practice the virtues of patience, courtesy and gentle yielding. In our lives right now, perhaps we are pushing too hard, trying to make something happen or fighting against things. Maybe we have adopted, consciously or subconsciously, an adversarial attitude toward our life. Why not try yielding and letting go and see if our breakthrough doesn't happen without effort, struggle or strain? 

T.S. Eliot said, "At the still point of the turning world, there the dance is." It's interesting that we can find our way into our own dance, our deepest longing for the real, the good, the beautiful and true, not by forcing our way, but by becoming quiet and still. In that stillness deep within our being, we discover our way to our heart's desire. As Rilke says, "What we owe to silence makes our ripening exact." And a Zen master once said, "Truth only reveals itself when one gives up all preconceived ideas." We can find our way in the outer world by letting go and letting ourselves be inwardly still. The Buddha said, "Don't just do something, sit there." So when trying doesn't work, we can stop trying, relax, turn within and let our innermost being reveal the path forward. Let's let our stillness lead us into the dance. 

The Buddha said, "The foot feels the foot when it feels the ground." We all live in relationship. We don't exist in a vacuum or in a void. No matter, at times, how alone we may feel, we are each part of the vast interwoveness of all life on this earth and in this universe. The people in our life, particularly those closest to us, offer us the gift of a mirror through which we see ourselves reflected through their eyes. As we react and respond to our family and friends and coworkers, we become aware of blind spots, things about ourselves we never noticed. When we hear our voice on a tape recorder for the first time or see ourselves on a video screen— we are shocked and say, "Is that really me?" So, too, in our reflected interactions with others: when we lose our usual way of seeing ourselves, we say, "Is that really me? " We grow through our relationships as we allow them to show us who we really are. See yourself anew through the people in your life. 

There is a story of a baseball manager who was having a talk with his shortstop. The manager said, "The first baseman is becoming too lazy and complacent. From now on whenever the ball is hit to you, I want you to throw it as hard and fast as you can at the first baseman— this should put him back on his toes." Someone who overheard this conversation asked the manager later on in the season, "Did the aggressive playing of the shortstop help the first baseman's playing?" The manager replied, "There was nothing wrong with first baseman's playing; it was the shortstop who needed to get on the ball, which he did." Often in life when something isn't working, we tend to think it's someone else who needs improvement— but it may just be us who needs it. A young woman who had much anxiety received a prescription for tranquilizers from a doctor. A friend asked her, "Are you less anxious after taking the tranquilizers?" "No," said the woman, "but everyone around me is a lot calmer." 

When I was working on my doctoral dissertation, I found myself floundering until I realized that I was seeing the people on my dissertation committee not as helpers or allies but as adversaries. Once I adopted an attitude of cooperation with my committee members, my dissertation process opened up and flowed into harmonious and successful completion. We don't have to fight with the people in our lives— we can literally see our family, friends and colleagues and associates as part of our own consciousness. None of us walks the path of life alone. We live in relationship. We can cooperate with fullness of heart with all of those who are accompanying us on our life walk. Some stay with us all our days. Some are with us only a short while— but all leave the impress of their love and concern for us. The easiest and simplest way for us to complete our goals and fulfill our dreams is by allowing others to help us. 

There's an old Rosicrucian saying, "Two may go where one dare not." This life seems to be meant to be lived in relationship. While there are those who become hermits or recluses, most of us seem to thrive and flourish when we are sharing our life path with others of like mind and heart. 'Significant Other' is an interesting expression we hear these days. When someone is sharing our life, that person is significant to us, but he is also 'other' than us. The significant other is significant not because he or she is the same as us but because of the differences between us. Yet even though there are differences, we can still share the life journey together. Perhaps it is the very differences that make it possible for us to travel our way together. So sharing our way means recognizing and affirming the uniqueness and individuality of the people who have chosen to walk together with us.