This week I entered a nearby, local grocery market for the first time in a year. I have been ordering online groceries for pickup during the L.A. County Safer at Home Orders. Now, I am past the 2 week wait after my 2nd vaccine dose and this was the action I chose to mark that turning point. The market requires masks, of course, and follows the limit of 25% capacity, and I really missed picking out my own fresh local produce--that's why I chose this particular venture out. I had planned to only grab a few things aa a first experiment in new "freedom" but when I entered I was overwhelmed by what used to seem like a few options (compared to chain groceries) and now seemed to be the land of plenty! So I lingered a bit, digesting this reality and noting my responses to those well-stocked shelves.
My fellow customers were all solitary older shoppers who mostly observed social distancing. The atmosphere was quiet and focussed but not tense. Still I found myself watchful. I over-bought, later realizing that part of me still expects another lock-down. I considered walking across the street to a nearby coffee shop that does not offer drive through but has online ordering and relatively easy pick up. But after loading the groceries in the car and briefly meditating in the parking lot a bit, I realized this one step back into the community was enough for the day. I was flooded with the awareness of the silent impact of the Pandemic beyond the unfathomable death count and the hospital crises, the violent protests, the closed schools, and social isolation, there is this accumulation of small disruptions in daily rhythms, rituals, and routine.
I write this as a snap shot of re-opening. I believe no one in this culture has escaped some degree of trauma during this Pandemic. Whether we deny it or not, re-entry and reopening is tricky. Take your time. Complete the vaccination process. Observe your own responses--not in judgement but in self-discovery. Trust you inner directive. Let Life lead your way. Then walk through the open door. (Susan Nettleton)