Today's post is an excerpt from this morning's Zoom talk on "The Imperfect"
We each have our struggles in our attempts at perfection and concern over other's judgement of our mistakes, but there is also this human tendency to personally judge others. Society sets up the legal and civil means for judgement and corrective action or punishment for trespass or harm to others or the social order. But our focus here is how we as individuals, trying to live spiritually, handle other's imperfections, not just our own. In the sermon on the mount Jesus sums up the issue with "judge not others lest you be judged" and the piercing line that basically says why judge a speck of some dirt in someone else's eye when you are walking around with a log in yours? Here is a profound and difficult truth, which is why I think religion in general with all it's tenants of shoulds and collective moral judgements and proclamation of spiritual consequences, caution people about our judging mentality: The human tendency to project our own flaws on to others and/or defend against our flaws, failure, and mistakes through hyper-vigilance of the mistakes of others.
Of course I have to mention forgiveness here, including self-forgiveness as we deal with the imperfect. In away all of this is about forgiveness, coming to terms with the imperfect. Sometimes, the real block to forgiving others is about not wanting to recognize the same imperfection in ourselves. Our judgement of others can actually be the window, the mirror, the uprooting and acknowledgment of our own flaws and mistakes. It can lead to self acceptance, self-forgiveness and asking and accepting it for those mistakes--on any level. Forgiveness work includes asking and accepting forgiveness as an inner process; it's not always appropriate or helpful to do that as a spoken request. Reflecting on our own mistakes makes forgiving others a lot easier. I am not saying a correlation is always there, but even if you do not find a point of identification in your judgement, you do learn to identify as an imperfect character in life's drama.
In 12 step programs, there is a saying, "Keep your side of the street clean." Life easily becomes messy and unmanageable when we begin to shift our focus to monitoring and managing others' lives before giving attention to our own, and in the complexity of modern life, it isn't always obvious where the boundaries lay. Reflecting on "my side of the street" is one way to recalibrate responsibility and clarify our choices. Our actions and non-actions impact others in the great scheme of life. Human beings are not perfect--none of us. But we are capable of positive choices, of learning, of adapting and forgiving. Self-forgiveness and self-acceptance of imperfection, open the door to Grace and transformative healing. (Susan Nettleton)
Ring the bells that still can ring. Forget your perfect offering. There Is a Crack in Everything, That’s How the Light Gets In
(by Leonard Cohen)